1-1 A Date with Your Manager

Plan to take your manager \ team member on a date. How exciting it sounds!

More often, I met people who are doing great at their work but always keep complaining about how they are not being taken care of and Judging his/her manager. The problem is not the organization or the manager. It was a lack of communication between the two.  Healthy communication between the manager and team member is an essential ingredient to build a successful delivery. More often, it is expected as a responsibility of the manager to set the date. I feel an excellent relationship needs to have roses exchanged from both ends. If you have heard about the saying people Leave managers not the companies, it is so true however the hidden fact is if you are not communicating with your manager how many ever companies you change nothing going to work. The individuals are caught up into two situations

• Developing a negative opinion on the manager and not consider the work seriously - Which hurts him more than the manager
• Jump to the new company expecting an "ideal" manager

Both are harmful. In the first case, he starts doubting everything in the second case, he is disheartened and curses the world and people in it.

Let's pave the way for a new era and take responsibility for our career. I classify this 1-1's into five different inputs

  1. Place - Time –  The right place helps you have the right conversations

  2. Know Each Other (A Blind Date )- A first time 1-1 with your manager.

  3. Set Expectations (Couple Goals) - A review of what went well and what didn’t. How do you like to improvise-

  4. Travel the Distance (Dating) - Plan to meet every biweekly, not in a closed room but for a coffee, drink or just a walk in the park -

 5. Express to impress- Gratitude delayed is gratitude denied

1. Place & Time

I would generally prefer this on Thursday evening and certainly not in a regular closed office room. I most prefer them to be a coffee talk, walk in the park or while playing a game. I had witnessed some incredible 1-1 were when we did early morning walks when I traveled with my manager. There were so many things I learned and remained closed to my heart.

• Preferably an evening time.
• Ensure to keep your digital devices shut. You can summarise and update document post your 1-1 within 24 hours
• Have some food planned as Food is the answer to many questions :P
• If you drink, then don’t get overloaded.
• Don’t go beyond the planned time
• 1-1 are not for salary negotiations.

2. Know Each Other(A Blind Date )

The first the time when a team member joins, or you are assigned to a team to lead; it’s essential to understand each other.

 Imagine that you and I had an amazing relationship. What would that look like?

Its highly essential to know the below answers. They cover the Need, Passion and growth aspects of any individual. 

This should be the start point of the journey. For a manager, it's important to revisit this point frequently to keep ensure the team member happy. When this exercise is done, both understand what each other are expecting.
I still remember my meetings with my manager when I Joined a Start-up company from an MNC. Every time I spoke, he used to know more about me, my approach, my passion and used to explain how things operate. No request made was denied however every ask was noted and provided an opportunity.

3. Set Expectations (Couple Goals)

List out all the Objectives and key results (OKR's) for the next X weeks. More than the KPI's I have seen a better outcome when OKR's are defined. OKR’s is a framework for defining and tracking objectives and their outcomes. They have a very clear definition of what is expected, how is the output measured. 
For a manager and team member, it's important to have a common document having these details well drafted. This is the identity document. When the manager changes or your company change you need to ensure this is with you. I generally prefer a One Note and editable by both. I had this with me when I had a team, throughout their journey I used to maintain one. Here is a Sample OKR's

Nothing Will change if nothing Changes

4. Travel the distance (Dating)

It's important once the journey is started to be in a rhythm, as we know long-distance relationships do not work. Define a time interval (preferred bi-weekly) and meet. Ensure to create a calendar request. Don’t wait for the manager to do it, you can do it too. These 1-1s are very sacred and don’t miss them hook or crook. If you miss one, then schedule the next available date immediately. The rejection or postpone should happen only with an alternate date. When you meet here is what you need to know.

Key Points:

• No Sarcasm, please
• You can send across the agenda topics you would like to discuss before 24 hours as it gives space for having a thought process.
• If you are confused or not agreed, ensure to close it there, once you walk out of doors no regrets and no back talks
• It's better to discuss and understand if something that happened that was not ok with your team member. As it clears the doubts in his mind

5. Express to impress

It is a common thing when people talk, it creates impressions mostly good, if not work towards creating good ones. Never wait for 1-1 to happen to express your appreciation. Always express as early as possible, if possible the same day.  The most important question, when was the last time you sent an appreciation or thank you note to your manager? He is also a human being and craves recognition 😀. 

Gratitude delayed is gratitude denied.

Key Points:

• Leave room for correction. If you don’t know anything. Say " I don’t know, will come back". If there is a request as a manager, you don’t know (for example Leaves, Comp offs) be prepared to say, " will connect to the right person”.
• Be ok to Setup a meeting with a team member if differences are existing between them, but never be a referee.
• Let it be an honest conversation. Don’t act
• Make your lives easier
• Help them reach their goals.
• Never argue. Exchanging the roles and defend from another point of view. It works like a Magic 

Question: What the measurement factor for a good 1-1? 

Answer :

• you are never surprised by an employee departure
• Your team is aligned, happy and smiling with each other in public and not gossiping at the corners 
• Every individual has ownership

Template  :

Some inputs from my Social Media posts:

1. "I didn’t know what1-1 was when my manager took me out for lunch and asked a bunch of questions which seemed random. He never said he would do anything and neither sent any note of having 1-1. He just took care of things we discussed and then continued to discuss in the same manner - sometimes in his office, sometimes pulling a chair next to me, sometimes for cutting chai or sometimes during volunteer camps (which he always attended)."
2. Over lunch, that's the best. One of the firms I had worked for in the US, the manager scheduled lunch with one employee every Friday afternoon. It was very informal and being a Friday, everyone's in a weekend mood. Now I understand why it worked so well. The employees would talk so much, and an excellent opportunity to know your supervisor and discuss any issue under the sun. When employees see their superiors in lighter roles of life, it becomes easier for them to shed inhibitions and approach. Friday lunches, organizing team games where you see your boss happily jumping into the pool and playing with teammates is a big curtain-raiser and an ice breaker
3. I have bi-weekly 1:1 with all my associates to keep the feedback flowing and mentor and keep them engaged. Having frequent 1:1 s will help the associates also to stay focused and get the challenges addressed in time. Same with my Manager as well, we have bi-weekly 1:1. When we have the short term and long-term focus items clearly defined and understand the weekly priorities, it helps the 1:1 discussion focused and driven objectively. Else associates will not understand what to talk about. Also, Managers should be open and receptive to mentor, guide, provide constructive feedback. If an associate is not clear on what his priorities and focus areas are then there is something wrong with the leadership. Having the motivation levels high and keeping them engaged is essential. Managers should focus on associate’s strengths rather than skills. Let the associates express what they loved, what they loathed and what they need from the manager to do better. Also, the manager should take time to recognize the associates for good work often

For the first time its messy, second time, it's hard, the third time you know each other, fourth-time Congratulations you have bonded

There are a bunch of resources on how to do a 1-1 already: One on One Meetings: The Only Guide Managers Need, Awkward 1:1s: How To Get Honest Feedback, The Update, The Vent, and The Disaster, One-on-ones are my most valuable meetings; here’s how I run them, The One on One, The one-on-one meeting template for your end of the year review, The Making of a Manager 1-1, The 5 mistakes you’re likely making in your one-on-one, how to do a proper 1-1